I think I suffer from a disease or something of the sort. It’s a disease that won’t let me rest without having two or three things to think about at a time. Things I gotta do, stories to write, places to go, people to meet, money to give, people to take care of. It’s like it never ends. The disease seems to end when I turn in to bed at night, but sometimes it doesn’t. Regardless, I must wake up the next morning and it’ll find me from right where I left it.
I don’t how serious is it because I don’t know what causes it or who has it. I’m only 24 years old–well, 25 in about a month or so–but I feel like I can’t stop this. It might probably be my quarter-life crisis, but I had one of those last year, so I should be safe for another 25 years, right?
I just feel life is like this treadmill that keeps going faster and faster with each passing day, and I’m only getting more and more depleted. Maybe it’s a Superman complex, maybe it’s delusions of grandeur. Who knows? I just know that I’m at the root of it all, and it’d be nice if I could die to myself completely, once and for all.
I’ve been realizing that as much as I’d like to save the world and make people do the same, and maybe even piggyback this whole thing, I can’t. And I need to save myself first. I am only one person with a very limited supply of energy, time, and talents.
But the energy I do have is enough for today, and that’s how it should be anyway. Take it a day at a time cause that’s all I have anyway, right? God doesn’t guarantee tomorrows.
I just need to open my eyes to look outside of me–my needs, my wants–that beast of a thing called self–and actually start embracing others as greater than myself. Whatever and however it is that I can add to their life. And then do it. That’s it.
Some of the most useful and influential people in life are also the simplest. They are just mastered by one set of principles they have found to be true, and they do it. I think I could benefit from this sort of beauty.
I need to simplify my life.